Weaponized incompetence and the mental load: when chores become a marriage problem
Weaponized incompetence turns chores into a marriage problem. Learn how to spot it, why it happens, and how couples therapy helps you fix it.
Relationship & Couples Therapy Blog
“My partner doesn’t listen”: when processing styles leave you feeling unheard
Feeling unheard in your relationship? Why your partner tunes out, what it usually means, and what to do about it.
Grey divorce and the empty nest: why marriages come apart after the kids leave
The Morning News with Vineeta Sawkar, WCCO Radio, August 3, 2026. WCCO Radio’s Vineeta Sawkar asked me about grey divorce on The Morning News. We had a few minutes on air. This is the longer answer. The story people tell about grey divorce is that the couple grew apart. That’s not wrong, but it’s useless. …
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How to communicate with an external processor (when you’re not one)
Your partner comes home, drops their bag, and starts talking. Not a summary. The whole thing. The meeting, the coworker, the three things they might do about it, then a fourth thing, then a walk-back of the second thing. You’re standing there trying to figure out what you’re supposed to say, and by the time …
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How to communicate with an internal processor (give them room to think)
You bring up something important. Your partner goes quiet. Not a cold quiet, exactly, but not an answer either. So you fill the silence: you explain more, add examples, ask if they’re even listening. The quieter they get, the more you talk, and by the end you’re having a fight about the silence instead of …
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Stonewalling and the silent treatment: what’s actually happening
You ask a question and get nothing back. Your partner goes quiet, stares at the floor, finds something to do with their hands, or just walks out of the room. The conversation is over and you didn’t agree to end it. You’re left talking to a wall. If you’re on the receiving end, it feels …
Stonewalling and the silent treatment: what’s actually happening Read More »
Anxious + avoidant: why you keep having the same fight
You’ve had this fight a hundred times. The script barely changes. One of you wants to talk it through right now, to get reassurance that you’re still okay. The other one shuts the laptop, says “I can’t do this right now,” and walks to the garage. Then the first one follows. And the more one …
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Marriage Counseling When Your Partner Won’t Go
You’re ready to get help. Your partner isn’t. Maybe they think therapy is a waste of money, or that it’s where you go to be told you’re the problem, or that talking about it just makes it worse. Maybe they’ve said “I’ll go when you fix your attitude.” So you’re standing at a familiar dead …
Feeling Like Roommates? Here’s What’s Actually Going On
You’re not fighting. The bills get paid, the kids get where they’re going, the calendar runs. From the outside, nothing’s wrong. But you both feel it: somewhere along the way you stopped being partners and started being colleagues who happen to share a bed. Polite. Efficient. Distant. If that’s where you are, start with this: …
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Should I Start with Individual Therapy or Couples Therapy?
As a couples therapist with over twenty years of experience, I often hear this question from individuals and couples unsure where to begin. Whether you’re navigating relationship challenges or personal struggles, understanding the pros and cons of each approach can help you make the best choice for your unique situation. Pros and Cons of Starting …
Should I Start with Individual Therapy or Couples Therapy? Read More »