Should I Start with Individual Therapy or Couples Therapy?

As a couples therapist with over twenty years of experience, I often hear this question from individuals and couples unsure where to begin. Whether you’re navigating relationship challenges or personal struggles, understanding the pros and cons of each approach can help you make the best choice for your unique situation.

Pros and Cons of Starting with Individual Therapy

Pros of Individual Therapy

Personalized Focus: Individual therapy provides a safe space to explore your feelings and challenges without external pressures.
Clarity on Personal Dynamics: It helps you identify how your individual experiences contribute to relationship issues.
Growth Without Pressure: You can work on yourself at your own pace before involving your partner.

Cons of Individual Therapy

Potential Imbalance: When one partner starts individual therapy and later brings in the other, it may create an uneven dynamic. The partner joining later might feel like an outsider or worry that the therapist is biased.
Shift in Focus: Couples therapy requires a balanced approach, and a prior relationship with one partner could unintentionally shift neutrality.

To address these concerns, I may suggest involving the second partner early on or referring the couple to a different therapist for joint sessions. In some cases, the second partner might join as a “collateral contact” to observe and provide feedback, ensuring they still feel involved.

Pros and Cons of Starting with Couples Therapy

Pros of Couples Therapy

Shared Focus: Couples therapy prioritizes the relationship from the beginning, allowing both partners to feel equally involved.
Immediate Dynamics Exploration: It provides a space to address relationship patterns and work on solutions together.
Balanced Approach: Both partners’ perspectives are acknowledged, fostering a sense of equality in the process.

Starting with couples therapy creates an opportunity to align perspectives and rebuild connection. It ensures both partners can express their needs and goals, fostering a deeper understanding of how to navigate challenges together.

How to Decide Between Individual and Couples Therapy

The choice depends on your relationship and personal needs:

Choose Individual Therapy: If one partner feels they need personal growth or clarity before addressing relationship issues, individual therapy may be the right starting point.
Choose Couples Therapy: If both partners are ready to dive into their relationship challenges together, starting as a couple can lead to faster progress.

Ready to Begin Your Therapy Journey?

Whether you choose individual or couples therapy, the ultimate goal is the same: to foster understanding, connection, and growth. If you’re unsure where to start, I’d love to help you decide the best path for your relationship.